Better Than ME!!!

I'm so confused. My life is so messed up right now. I mean my momma wants me to be one way and I really don't want to lose my girl. I love her more than anything in the world. She has my heart, my mind, and my soul. She is the one that I want to spend my entire life with. I had my whole life planned out around her. She is my world! I'm so lost, it's not funny. I hate having to hide who I am, who I really want to be just because someone can't handle it. Then again, I can't lose my family. This is the biggest decision that I have ever had to make. It sometimes feels like the world is tearing apart at the seams. I want so bad to tell my mother that "I am my own person and that I can make my own decisions about how I want to spend my life." I can't believe that I've let this come to this. Maybe if I had stayed at MASE and stayed in secret of who I am, I would have never met my baby Kesha and I would have not been able to hurt the way that I have now. I kick myself everyday for letting it get to this and have to hurt my baby like I have. She deserves so much more than me! But am I selfish that I don't want to let her go and find someone who can do her so much better than I can at this moment. I want nothing more then her happiness and I feel like she's not as happy as she should be with me and this time. I sometimes wish for days that she would find someone who can give her the time she needs. I don't know what to think sometimes. Maybe she does need better than me.