The day is vastly approaching and the world is going crazy as we know it. The dreaded Valentine's Day will be here before you know it and it's depressing when you know that you can not be with the one person you love. You can't be surrounded in their love and smothered with their kisses. You can't spend the day with them and it hurts you so bad.
I mean like me, I can't be with my girl if I could. I'm stuck in a wedding for my cousin and on "lesbian house arrest" for the duration of my time at home with my mother. I want so bad to be cooking dinner for her, spend the night in her arms, and do whatever else I can think of with her. I don't feel right not spending this time of the year without my baby by my side. She means the world to me and I feel so lucky that I can be her fiance' and one day marry her. I'm so happy that I will be able to take care of her instead of how it was in the beginning when she would always give to me and not take anything I offered her. I want her to be able to let me help her when she needs it the most. I want us to be a family unit together, with OUR children.
It hurts so bad knowing that I can't be in her arms comforting her when I should, laying my head on her shoulder while we're in bed talking. I hate spending this horrible holiday alone, with no one to openly spoil me with gifts, flowers, and candies. I'm forced to see all these girl walk around here with their bears and flowers marking the years-- or maybe the months, that they have been with the other person all the while I'm suffering from loneliness. The thing that makes me so mad is the fact that these little girls out here are not going to appreciate what that special someone is doing for them, and they go out and mess with other guys &/or females. Why do they do that? The person that does it all they need and want has to suffer because she does not appreciate what they are being given. Little girls are something else with themselves. What I wouldn't give to have my baby serve me and pleasure me on this day, or even the other way around. Why the hell am I torturing myself over this g**-awful holiday? I really don't know to tell you the truth. I guess it is because I can't see my baby or spend that much needed time with her. The kind of time that she needs the most, the kind I want more than the whole world over. I guess I'm just stupid for letting this get to me the way it has.
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