Chrisette Michele | Official Site

Chrisette Michele | Official Site

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My Never Ending Love

You’re the light of my life.
You’re the joy in my soul.
Every moment with you is so meaningful.
You know we had our problems in the past.
But it never got in the way of our present,
nor our future.
You have loved me the best way you can.
You have been my rock for a long time,
And I thank you for that.
You’re the peace in me,
That brings me so much joy.
My love for you is everlasting.
My soul wants you every minute of the day.
You ask me why I love so much.
And you should know my answer.
I love you because of your kind and loving heart,
Your joy that lets me know you care,
The way you smile its makes me so happy,
And the way you hold me lets me know I am safe with you.
Baby, I wrote this poem for you,
To show you how I truly felt about you.
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!

Welcome to the Family???

What is with these young girls making a choice like being a lesbian because everyone else is doing it? Why can't they figure out on their own what they want besides letting movies, videos, just the whole wide spread of the media telling them what they want? I'll met some many young girls from school, and some just in middle school, that claim that they are lesbians. But it is when I ask them what they feel from being with another female, they can not come up with one thing. These girls have no idea that they have made a life changing chose that causes pain for both of those that get too involved in something that is not real. Now yes I know that there are some young ladies out there that know what they want and are really true about what they feel for their girl.Yeah, I was one of those girls that started off very young, but I knew that I wanted to be with a female because thats what I wanted and no one told me that it was something to just do. Some of these little girls out here are just jumping from one girl to the next, breaking hearts, spirits, minds....and banks. There have been so many times that I've talked to somebody and they have said that they were with a younger girl and they had done nothing but use them up mentally and physically. I speak on this today because you know the way I feel about girl using and abusing my lovely, beautiful women. Thats not what being a true loving lesbian is about. You take good care of your girlfriend and she'll do you right as well. I just want you young ladies to know that you should not make a choice like being "loving another girl" based on what otherssay, do, or tell you. Be your own person and if a lesbain is who you really are, then by all means "Welcome to the Family".

My Reply

I was working on a blog already but I feel like this one here is much more important than something directed to my ladies...again. I just read my girls blog and it cut me deep. Not saying that it's not my own fault but it still hurts the same. I love her with all my heart, mind, and soul, and yet she still doesn't know she means to me. She is my everything and then some, but she doesn't believe that. I know that I did not call her like I said I would and I did tell her why, it was to help someone with homework. Sorry for wanting to help out a friend in need. How many times have I had to take the backseat to her friends and TRY not to complain about it because would be pointless for me to do so. I've tried my best to be a great girlfriend to my baby, but it keep seeming like its not working. It is so nerve wreaking tring to please everyone in my life and having her suffer for what they make me do. Baby I say to the world right now that I love you and I'm so sorry for putting you through pain and having you have sleepless night because of me and my stupid mistakes. I'm crying right now because I know I hurt you and caused you pain in more ways then one. I've always been doing that to you. I don't know what to do to make it up to you but if you would just let me know what I can do I promise on everything I know and love, I will do it baby. I love you so much, and I don't ever want you to doubt where you stand in my life. You are my one and only true love, my life, my soul, my light, my breath, my body, my husband, my soulmate. Baby you never have to worry about the baby, I promise you that.

Had Enough

This is the blog I wrote last night while my girlfriend told me about the other girl!

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Wednesday, March 25, 2009
10:23:46 PM

Had Enough of Them All...Seriously Upset!!!

What the fuck is all I have to say right now? Did I just hear my girlfriend correctly? Did she just say that she was on the damn chat line, and not only that but she met some bitch on there from California? I really can't believe this shit. You just don't know how fucking mad I am at this moment. I just got to talk to her since I've been at my aunt's house and she tells me some crap like this. I mean I love the fact that she tells me everythings that happens in her life, but I think this one takes the cake. Like I don't care if my girl meets new people and make friends with them, but when they decide to cross me I have a problem with that. I was trying so fucking hard not to start cursing at her and control my attitude, because I know that she hates when I do that and I really don't need her to get a attitude with me. I didn't want to cause problems between us when my anger was really directed to the bitch that call herself MY GIRL'S friend. And thing is Keda said that the girl know about me and know that I'm wearing the ring but the bitch still call herself catching feelings for my husband. Now when I heard this you can just imagine what was going through my mind when she said the girl wanted her and she was catching feelings. I mean she knows about me, but she still calls herself liking her. To me that means that the bitch don't care if Keda got a girl....fuck a girl, she got a fucking wife!!! She told me that they when they met she was lonely and didn't have anyone to talk to. Hell I know I'm not always around and she can always talk to me when she want to, but damn. Do you not know how that makes me feel, I felt like I didn't mean much of anything. That was the major issue I was dealing with besides knowing that some girl is disrespecting the way she is. I mean she thinks that when she lonely she can go meet other bitches, innocent or not that shit ain't cool with me. If I did it that shit as innocent as it would have been, she would have had a fucking stroke. Let one of my friends start to like me and I tell her, she ready to fight. I drop them in an instant, but she really needed to ask me what she should do. YOU NEED TO LET THE BITCH GO!!!! I love my baby, but this is insane. Something in me told me that something wasn't right when the girl called while I was with her, but I was so happy to be with her that I pushed it off. I don't like that fact that they talk and texting each other while I'm at school. It pisses me off to think that this girl is trying to take my place in my girls life while I'm not able to be there for her. It ain't no telling how long this girl has been in the picture. If all the doing is texting and talking rarely, how the fuck did she fall that damn quick? This shit ain't adding up to me, its not possible. I don't know what is going on with this. I just know ain't no bitch coming between me and my girl and what we planned for OUR future. It'll be a cold day in hell if some bitch from Cali, or anywhere for that matter, take my place. I wear the ring and ain't no other female getting mine. I'd hurt any girl that think other wise too. This girl got another thing coming if she think she gone get my baby. I told my baby I wouldn't dwell on this, but it still pisses me off to know that other girl are always crossing the line. She is the second one and I'm getting tired of this shit real talk. If she doesn't drop those two bitches (and she knows the ones I'm talking about) I don't know what going to happen to us. I just can't take this crapany more. I've had all kinds of patience towards her friends but this is insane. I'm done with trying to keep my cool about this, but she'll either have to pick them or me, not both.Yea I know I'm the only one she will ever want, but I need them gone or ELSE!!!

The One and ONLY Lady Xstacy!!!

Somethings Gotta Give

This was written this morning when we had to sit in 1st period for 4 hours. This was how I felt this morning before reading my baby's blog. The one from last night will be uploaded later on today. Here you go!

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I've slept on my issue and now I'm sleepy. I'm calmer than I was yesterday but I'm still very upset. Like really, how would you feel if your girl told you that she met another girl on the chatline and now the bitch is growing feelings for her? You would not be a happy camper about that at all. I love my girl so much but she made me so fucking mad last night it was ridiculous. Like I wasn't mad that some girl wants her, hell a lot of girls do, but it's the fact that she was on a chatline "looking for a friend". Do you not realize how that sounds when our relationship was started on a website called Myspace? Do you not realize that we basically met for a sexual reason on that same website? So can you see what my first thoughts may been to what she told meI can't bear to think of my girl having any other girl besides myself. She is mine and I love her dearly but this girl is pushing my buttons. This means to me that she doesn't care if I'm with her or not, she wants my girl and may not give up her hopeless dream og having her to herself. This girl must think that she can have her without me knowing, she must be crazy. I knew my girl was joining different websites but I never thought that it would come to this. I never thought she would go on them to "meet other people". And not only that but give those hoes her number so they could talk more privately. This is really killing me inside. It hurts so much to know my girl is looking for other people to take up the time that I can't give her. The question that plays over and over in the mind is what could she have been talking to this bitch about that's got her catching feelings like that? What in the hell could have been said that would do this to me? Could she be talking to her the way she talks to me, the way that always makes me hot and causes me to cross my legs together? What could it be?!?! I'm stressing myself out trying to to think through this. I can't take this right now, it hurts too bad. I just need her to either let this bitch go or let me go, because this is not going to work for me if she keeps her around. I don't want to lose my baby because of anyone or anything. Somethings gotta give!!!!

Forever Me,

Lady Xstacy!

Thnks So Much!!!

Yesterday I called my baby, but her nephew was not acting like the good little baby he always is. He was fussing and crying so much, me and my baby had to get off the phone so she could put him to sleep. I knew that I killed her to hang up the phone since it had been a while since we had last talked...I could feel it myself. I hated to way she sounds whenever I have to leave her. It kills me so much to know that I have caused her a moment of sadness that we both could have avoided. I love her so much and she means the world to me. There is no one in my life that will ever hold my heart the way she does. I guess I'll try to call her tonight, hopefully Navin will either be asleep or with his granny because I really want to talk to my baby daddy. I really miss her!!!!!!!!!

2 Trusted Friends....HA!!!

Back to life as I know it. I miss my baby so much. I really wish that I had have stayed at home then she could have spent the whole day with me like we sometimes do (wink wink). I think that this blog is going to be focusing on those people she calls her friends. I mean I love my baby and if they make her happy....the times that they do make her happy....then I'm okay with them, as far as she knows. Well, really she knows that I have a problem with them and that they get on my ever lasting nerve. I mean really, I've only meant one of her friends personally but all of them still get on my nerves. Let's start with Nitta, she is the worst I think of them all. Now I can honestly say that she has her good days, but thats no very often. She is selfish, a brat, self-centered, she thinks the world revolves around her, and thinks that my baby is going to continue to run behind her when she in the wrong. I THINK NOT BOOH BOOH!! You are a grown ass woman and you not finna have nobody else trying to take care of your ass. Nitta is impossible for me to like because of how she is towards my girl. I feel like Nitta does nothing but use her. Keda is trying to get her life on track for not only herself but for OUR family also, but it was like she (Nitta) didn't want to see my baby go forward with her life. She tried to "get her life together also", only the try to drag my booh down with her when she kept getting in trouble with the teachers. And now recently, she starts shit at the club that my baby is at, all because her boyfriend was at a gay club. Keda is very protective of her friends and especially me, but I'm sorry if it was me and the fact that I know how she is, Nitta would've been on her own. The next on my list is Rico, you know what he is much worse than Nitta. He is the gayest, most self-centered person I've ever not met in my life. I remember at one point of time how I use to be jealous of him, only because he was with my baby more times than I'd ever called her, hell!! He was always spending the nigt with her and just always around, but now he just shows up when he feels like he can. I believe he causes the most problems for my baby. He always wants her to take him to see one of his boy toys or something like that, like my girl is a damn taxi. SHE IS NOT MATA!!!!! He is the oldest of the three of them but he still acts as if he's a child. Rico (I'm sorry to say this) is holding her back and is sometimes keeping her from being the focused, smart girl she is trying to be. He trys to get her to smoke when he knows that she is trying to stop, and he is the one that causes my baby the most stress in her life today. Now I know my baby is far from being a perfect person, but at least she is doing something with her life. I know that her only flaw is that she can't say no, no matter how much she may deny that. I try to use my baby all the time, and the thing is she knows it but can never get away from them no matter how hard she trys. She dropped a lot of her friends when we became more serious in our relationship, but why not these two? Why do they get to stay around while the others fell by the waist side? I guess because they were there long before I got here, and they'll be here long after I'm dead and gone. I just can't wait until we move away from here and can have each other to ourselves. When we won't have to worry about those two friends of her's.......unless they move with us.....dun dun dunnnnnnnnn!!!!!!

Just Some Random

Today has been a very good day to me. Of course there are some haters out there that loves getting on my case, cause what I'ma lovely fine ass LESBIAN!!!! Some girls just don't seem to get it. I love girls. I love the touches, the smell, I love everything about being with a girl. It's just something about a girl with long sexy black hair with eyes the color of honey that drives me insane. My baby, she's got it all. Soft skin, beautiful eyes, a sexy smile, and......a magic tongue. What more could I ask for. My baby has a swag like no other. No other girl will ever take my baby's place (Toyia especially). Some girl will just bitch and complain that there man ain't hitting it right or ain't doing what they need for them to do. All I got to say is "GET A GIRLFRIEND OR SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!" Why in the world would you complain but stay with his ass, gosh! I'm just really really hyper right now. I don't know what to say right now. Back to my baby girl! She loves me for me and loves taking care of me. She is sweet and loves to please my body. She has the best sex talk EVER! I had a dream about her last night, gosh it was so great. I want her so bad, I want that dream to call true. I miss her like crazy. I I'm really horny I think. Why am I just talking about random stuff. I miss my baby's skin againt mine. She is so freaking soft against me, and when she kisses me it's so wonderful. I think I should just stop where I am right now before I say something to much. Bye for now! KISSES KISSES!!!

~LADY X~

Her Girl

My girl is the best girlfriend in the whole world. The comment she left me on my blogger was sweet and it made me smile. I'm so lucky to have someone as caring as her in my life, someone that loves me as much as I love them. She mean the world to me and I could'nt have asked for a better hubby in the whole wide world. I did talk to her last night. I took a chance and I called her on her mother's phone, we talked for over an hour, tho I felt like it wasn't enough. I miss her so much, but I'm so glad that after this I can be with her and be her wife. She put that ring on my finger I become her's and I'll always be her girl. Always and forever more, Mrs. Smith- Smith!!!

Good Girl Gone Bad

I guess my mother is really mad at me. She knows I've been calling my girl, that's why I've been trying so bad not to call her as much. My mother has the phone company email her a full call log and she looks for her number. I'm going to tell my girl that I want her to change her cell phone number so I can call her. I miss her so much that I've been depressed and not wanting to do anything. I think about her all the time. I'm glad I did get to spend that time with her Friday. Glad I could have her make love to me before I had to suffer this. Though I believe I was the cause of this when I told my mother that I was going out with some friends. I think that was what made her check up on the calls. Man, what I wouldn't give to be in my baby's strong arms while she held me so close to her that we became one. I wish I didn't have to make her suffer with me. What kind of girlfriend am I that I can never see her or talk to her, or even be with her without causing some issue. I love her so much and I want so much for her. I want her to be happy and it sometimes seems like I can't give her that true happiness she wants and needs. I'm so much of a little girl that I can't run my own life and make my own choices without getting in trouble. I don't know what to think. I want to be with my girl I KNOW that, but I hate being the one that causes her pain, or even letting my mother be the one to do that. She needs me, but I can't be with my baby. I want everything to be okay between us. Maybe I should just try to be good, not get in trouble and that way mama won't get on me so bad, and then when I leave her house and go to college I can do what I want and be with her when I want. Yeah, I think that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to be a good girl at home, and when I move out.....I'LL BE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Worthless

I hate feeling so helpless, so worthless. I hate not being able to help her through this hard time in her life, when she needs me the most. There is nothing I wouldn't do more than to be able to help her, and to make sure that everything in her life is going just right. I don't know what to do with myself. I go the whole day worrying if she has been something bad or has given up on everything that we have tried so hard to reach in OUR future. I want her to be okay, I want her to be able to call me when she needs me the most. I want her to be strong for me as well as for her. I want her to try to be strong for our future family. I can't take no knowing what is going on in my lover's mind. I told my uncle that she needed to talk to him about something. I told him that she was struggling with her inner self. He told me to tell her to call him. I really wish that she would. I love her and I don't want her to go through this alone.

Right Here, Right Now!

Today is just one of those days. I wanted so bad to see my baby, she was so close to me today but she had left before my mother could leave the parking lot. I wanted so bad to be in her arms and see her smiling with her eyes the way I've always loved to see. Maybe I could find a way to get to her tomorrow when the wedding is all over and I'm on my own. I miss her so much and I felt like today would be so perfect if I saw her, touch her face, be with her for only one second. I don't know what to do right now. I'm stressed and going crazy over my age, and it seems like the only reason for me to keep my insanity is being with her. I'm so sad that I can't get to be with my baby on this holiday that is vastly approaching. I want to be with her. I miss the touch of her skin against mine and the way that she laughed at me when I made funny noises or tried to act as if I'm mad at her. I miss the way her teeth sink into my skin when she bites me on my legs or and butt. I don't whats going on in my head. I just want my baby with me right here, right now.

This Dreaded Holiday called Sweetheart's Day

The day is vastly approaching and the world is going crazy as we know it. The dreaded Valentine's Day will be here before you know it and it's depressing when you know that you can not be with the one person you love. You can't be surrounded in their love and smothered with their kisses. You can't spend the day with them and it hurts you so bad.

I mean like me, I can't be with my girl if I could. I'm stuck in a wedding for my cousin and on "lesbian house arrest" for the duration of my time at home with my mother. I want so bad to be cooking dinner for her, spend the night in her arms, and do whatever else I can think of with her. I don't feel right not spending this time of the year without my baby by my side. She means the world to me and I feel so lucky that I can be her fiance' and one day marry her. I'm so happy that I will be able to take care of her instead of how it was in the beginning when she would always give to me and not take anything I offered her. I want her to be able to let me help her when she needs it the most. I want us to be a family unit together, with OUR children.

It hurts so bad knowing that I can't be in her arms comforting her when I should, laying my head on her shoulder while we're in bed talking. I hate spending this horrible holiday alone, with no one to openly spoil me with gifts, flowers, and candies. I'm forced to see all these girl walk around here with their bears and flowers marking the years-- or maybe the months, that they have been with the other person all the while I'm suffering from loneliness. The thing that makes me so mad is the fact that these little girls out here are not going to appreciate what that special someone is doing for them, and they go out and mess with other guys &/or females. Why do they do that? The person that does it all they need and want has to suffer because she does not appreciate what they are being given. Little girls are something else with themselves. What I wouldn't give to have my baby serve me and pleasure me on this day, or even the other way around. Why the hell am I torturing myself over this g**-awful holiday? I really don't know to tell you the truth. I guess it is because I can't see my baby or spend that much needed time with her. The kind of time that she needs the most, the kind I want more than the whole world over. I guess I'm just stupid for letting this get to me the way it has.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith

I'm so excited that my baby actually came through for me and got me the engagement ring that I wanted. She is the most wonderful and loving person in the world and I love her because of it. She got me the ring the ring I wanted and I will become Mrs. Smith and a little while. I was so excited that I forgot to make her do it the right way: to ask me the question that went with the ring. I told all my friends today and they were excited for me too, even though I think some of them might be thinking that there is no way I can get married to a female. I don't care what they think, I'm happy with my baby and if we couldn't get married legally, I would still call myself her wife and be just as committed to her as a real husband and wife SHOULD be. I love her so much its unbelieveable. And to have HER ring on MY finger is just icing on my perfect little wedding cake. I also....later on in the day....found the note that she had slipped in by mistake. I made tried to put the ring away in the box when the white part fell out, and thats when I saw the note folded perfectly in the inside of the little blue box (not Tiffany's). Now I'm glad that I did take the box, because I really was thinking about leaving it with her. I really want to get her a ring of her owns. A ring that shows her that I love her just as much as she loves me and that I want her to be mine as long as we both shall live. I want her to be my hubby and for her to have a symbol of my love on her finger just like I have one on mine. I want us to be always and forever Mr. & Mrs. Smith!!!!!

Wat I Reallii Mean...S2~L.R.S~S2

I'm so glad that I saw my girl today. She surprised me today which I thought that was really sweet. I'm kinda glad that Toyia did come to see me today, because if she hadn't I would have never would have walked towards the parking lot and I wouldn't have seen my baby. Though Toyia was a little disappointed that she wasn't gonna get my attention today, I really don't care cause I had my baby. She made my day so much better than I thought it would've been if I had have gotten in the car with her. I wish I could have left with my girl and not come to school and spent the whole day with her and my nephew, Navian. I want so bad to see him and spend time with him, and play with him. My baby is so sweet. I wish today could have been the day that she gave me my ring but I know that its not possible right now. Sometimes I wonder if I really should let her buy it for me right now, and just wait until we can actually be together and be around each other without worrying about anything. Something I wonder though is what was my issue today. I mean I was extremely happy that she came to see me but my face wouldn't show it. It was weird. I bet she probably think that I didn't want to see her or kiss her the way I did, but the truth is I've missed her like crazy. Maybe it was do to the lack of sleep that I've been getting the pass couple of days. I wish I had the chance right now to tell her that I loved having my lips pressed against hers, my body against her when we hugged, and playing with her nose while we talked. I loved being with her and I wished I had her jacket in my backpack so she could have gotten it from me. Maybe next time she'll tell me that she is coming to see me and then I'll know if I should be waiting on her or not. But anyway. I am super happy that my booh made a extra specail trip to Southaven, MS. to see me and make me smile. I know now what I really mean to her.

I Jus Dnt Kno

I'm happy and sad right now. Moma knows that I'm still with my girl and that is why I can't get my license to drive right now. She knows that I may be at her her house every chance I get...now she didn't just come out and say it, but I know she was thinking it when she said "You're not ready for it yet." Why can't she believe that Keda is the best for me, no man can do for me like she can. No guy can make me as happy as she does whenever we talk. Why can't she understand that my love is only hers. She will never understand that I'M ENGAGED TO HER, and my heart is only for her and will only be hers. I'll soon be wearing the ring of my girl, I'll be married to her, and I'll bear her children. The thought of those beautiful brown eyed babies made just for us is exciting. I want nothing more than to be with her and to share the life we've planned out together. I can think of nothing better....though sometimes I am concerned about this. What if this is not going to work the way we planned? What if I can't give her the kids she want because of this? because of the troubles and problems we've both caused. I don't think what I should think. Maybe I should take a few days and isolate myself away from the world to think. I guess that that would best for me. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially my baby Keda. I just don't know.

Phone Tag........not it!

I'm getting so freaking sick of this. I know it's not her fault but I can't help getting upset when I know her mother nor her sister has told her I called. I miss her so much and this is driving me insane. I want my baby but its like I can never reach her anymore. Then when she calls me, I can never answer the phone cause my mother is staring down my throat to see who I'm talking to and how I'm talking to them. I am so freaking sick of this crap, my life is so fucked up since I temporarily lost my baby. I'm so stressed out that I concern smoking to calm my nerves. This is so not my favorite things that has ever happened to me. Why is it so hard to talk to my lover. I hate not hearing her voice just as much as she hate not hearing mine. Do you know yesterday I spent my whole day writing down what I miss the most about her and what she use to do that made my heart skip beats. How when she use to kiss my neck, i moaned softly in her ear. How she loves when I bit on her neck and kiss on her. I also remember how she came in on me taking a shower (even tho I left the door unlocked on purpose so she could) and damn near pulled me out right then and there. And when I did get out the shower how she had me on my dresser pulling her hair and screaming (& creaming). I'm sorry I had to say that, but you just don't understand how bad I NEED some form MY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My kitty kat has been longing for her tongue and fingers (and MY dick). I'm really horny and this blog was suppose to be about the fact that we don't get much time to talk, but it turned into something a lot more serious. I want my baby on me right now. I'm gonna wrap this up until I can get myself together. BYE!!!!

Better Than ME!!!

I'm so confused. My life is so messed up right now. I mean my momma wants me to be one way and I really don't want to lose my girl. I love her more than anything in the world. She has my heart, my mind, and my soul. She is the one that I want to spend my entire life with. I had my whole life planned out around her. She is my world! I'm so lost, it's not funny. I hate having to hide who I am, who I really want to be just because someone can't handle it. Then again, I can't lose my family. This is the biggest decision that I have ever had to make. It sometimes feels like the world is tearing apart at the seams. I want so bad to tell my mother that "I am my own person and that I can make my own decisions about how I want to spend my life." I can't believe that I've let this come to this. Maybe if I had stayed at MASE and stayed in secret of who I am, I would have never met my baby Kesha and I would have not been able to hurt the way that I have now. I kick myself everyday for letting it get to this and have to hurt my baby like I have. She deserves so much more than me! But am I selfish that I don't want to let her go and find someone who can do her so much better than I can at this moment. I want nothing more then her happiness and I feel like she's not as happy as she should be with me and this time. I sometimes wish for days that she would find someone who can give her the time she needs. I don't know what to think sometimes. Maybe she does need better than me.